Assignment 1 Submission 1a
(2300690)
Dear
Professor
I
am writing to introduce myself.
I
was educated in Mechanical Engineering by the school of Mechanical and
Aeronautical Engineering in Singapore Polytechnic. I took interest in
engineering when I saw how buildings were made and how machines function.
I
believe all of us have our strengths and weaknesses. As engineers, we work as a
team and therefore have to communicate with other engineers to build modern
civilization as we see and know today. Everyone may have different ways of
communicating and there are strength and weaknesses in communication. As a
personal example, I may communicate with clarity, so other people can
understand easily what I am trying to convey. However, I may be weak in being
concise with words. This causes people to misunderstand what I am trying to
convey.
I believe it is
important to set goals for what we do so we have a better understanding of how
far or near we are to achieve the goals. I have two goals for doing
engineering. First, I hope to acquire relevant engineering knowledge to sharpen
by skills for engineering work in the future. Second, I hope to be able to
communicate more effective with other people, so people can more easily
understand what I am trying to convey.
We are in general
different from each other, and all of us are unique. I could be different from
others due to my ability to speak multiple languages. This could be an
advantage when we go to places where English is very foreign locally.
Thank you for
reading.
Yours Sincerely
Yao Yang
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ReplyDeleteDear Yao Yang,
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing and posting this letter. You address most of the key components of the brief but rather than describe generalities -- Everyone may have different ways of communicating and there are strength(es) and weaknesses in communication. -- I'd like to see more precise details.
What exactly is your clear communicaion strength? What specific example would illustrate that?
What is a weakness you have, and what is one example of that in context.
Here is another general statement: "We are in general different from each other, and all of us are unique."
Why tell me something I know? This letter is an opportunity for you to explain to me what I don;t know about you. You explain that you speak other languages, correct? Explain that. Which languages? How did you come to elarn those?
This letter is mostly fluent, but it can be improved in terms of being faithful to the demands of the brief. Please go to the learning portfolio page in the assignments folder and review that. In it, you should also note that you need to explain your goals for the module. Have you done that?
Luckily, this is a first draft. I hope to see a more significant intro in draft 2. I also look forward to learning more about you this term.
Thank you!
Brad
Hey Yao Yang, I left a comment here yesterday. Were you able to see it?
ReplyDeleteHi Yao Yang,
ReplyDeleteI liked that you had given a short introduction about your educational background and how you were drawn in to engineering. However, you missed out your name in the introduction. Your salutation, "Dear Professor", is missing out a name, for example, Dear Professor Blackstone.
The part where you state you communicate with clarity but may have difficulty in delivering conciseness of your words, and state that there would be misunderstanding. I think these two statements are contradicting.
The paragraph about the set goals you have have some grammatical error. For example, "communicate more effective", it should be effectively.
Overall, this letter gives me a better understanding about you and the goals you hope to achieve. Great job and keep up the good work!